


Just Like Another Season

by HalesBales



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Alternate Canon, Character Death, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insomnia, Kissing in the Rain, Love, Love Triangles, Mild Gore, Multi, Plot tweaks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader-Insert, Romance, Sexual Content, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28864122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalesBales/pseuds/HalesBales
Summary: This life we live, it's both beautiful and frightening.We go about our day, hardly looking at the people and scenery surrounding us. We live without the fear of what tomorrow will bring.That was the life I had. keyword: had.I didn't want to be here. I didn't ask to be put into this story. But it wasn't an accident, it was just as the author planned. A death that wasn't meant to occur, a life that was meant to go on for the sake of humanity.-Your appearance wasn't a freak accident, it was the universe's plan. A plan that's existed since the beginning of time. A fantasy world suddenly turns into reality. Every day turns into a game to survive as your life changes as drastically as the seasons.But why you? Why send someone like you into a world so dark and twisted?How did you somehow earn a redo button to undo your past mistakes?Well, some questions are best left unanswered. Right?I do not own the original plot, nor do I own the characters. they belong to their one and only creator.
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Reader, Erwin/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	1. Prologue

"Yes, I'm going to be home soon mom, don't worry." 

Your voice faked that you were fine when your head felt like it was splitting in two. The throbbed pain you'd endured for almost three months now, not daring to utter a word for fear of going to the hospital. 

Your hands turned the steering wheel of your car, praying for a turn-off to stop. 

"Be safe, Y/N. You know some crazy drivers go down that canyon." 

The worried voice of your mother spoke through the phone, the sound of pans clashing in the background signaled that she had just finished her cooking. 

"I know mom, I'll see you soon." 

A smile graced your lips as you pulled the phone from your ear and hung up. A sigh escaping the split in your lips as you leaned an elbow on the window. 

That was only a mere moment ago. 

Now, the stars were lulling you to sleep, urging you to close your eyes and slip from this life. 

_'How did I end up here?'_

The question made its turns in your head. The events of the past few days playing in your head. 

_•A few days prior•_

"This is bull! Honestly!" 

Your roommate wailed, startling you from your sketch. Your digital pen dashing a line of Grey over your drawing. A drawing of a man you didn't know existed but your said roomie wanted to get drawn. 

You believed his name was Levi? Honestly, you didn't care as you looked at the face, the high cheekbones, and dead eyes. He now had an unnatural grey streak across his face as you tapped the back button on your tablet. The mistake disappeared just as quickly as it was made. 

"Jesus Ann, what happened now?" 

You finally asked, turning to look at your distressed roommate. A look of annoyance on your face as she held up the manga. The familiar title on the cover made your eyes roll. Attack on Titan, of course. 

"Nanaba didn't deserve to die, she and Miche were so cute!" 

The redhead looked close to tears. The spoiler making you plug your ears and screech a cadence of la la las. 

"Stop spoiling! You know I hate it!" 

The words were muffled as you glared at the female. Between the soulless woman and the internet, you knew about pretty much everything up until the middle of season two. Finding references was hard to do while trying not to get spoiled due to your nack getting sidetracked. 

"Come on, you know they are."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to tell me she died. Now I can't look at her without getting sad." 

"It's not my fault you're a Levi simp...if you took a break and actually read the manga you wouldn't be so mad." 

"Shut up, you asked me to do this!"

Ann couldn't argue that. 

_Y/n - one_

_Ann - none_

That's when another migraine started. 

They happened a few days ago after getting asked to read the first volume. 

Something about Carla's death didn't seem right. Yeah, everyone was terrified.

But this death seemed too soon, and too abrupt. 

You chose to shrug this off, figuring it was the author's way to torment the protagonist before getting into the good stuff. 

From there, the migraines only got worse. A few weeks into these migraines came the arrival of covid, it made your life a bit more hectic. Online college wasn't easy, but it had to be done. 

Even now as you made faces at your old roommate over your intro to nursing class. Occasionally stopping to take notes before resuming. 

The instructor, fully aware of your antics, scoffed when you made a gagging face and then rolled your eyes. 

Being a nurse had its perks. Your steady artist hands made it easy should you need to assist in surgery. 

Occasionally, some other students joined. Making the lecture in vitals a little more interesting. 

The group text flooded with silly jests and playful taunts. 

You'd titled the chat 'Class of dorks' In your messages as you shifted the phone out of your line of sight. 

Who knew that would be the last time you'd see this class.

\----------------------------

"Are you sure you can't come? There's only three of us and we're all clear." 

"Ann, this is a pandemic. I'm not risking it. Besides, my mom's susceptible so I can't give it to her." 

You pressed the phone to your cheek, smelling a bra to make sure it was clean. 

"Besides, you know I don't drink. Not after last time." 

"But you know you can trust us. It's a girls night anyway. Not boys in sight unless we binge the new season of AoT." 

"No, and that's final." 

Ann groaned, knowing she couldn't win. Family came first, that she knew. 

You stuffed an extra pair of underwear in the duffle back, packed and ready for at least two weeks. 

It was likely that your dad would want to go camping, so you made sure to stuff your solar battery pack into your bag. 

Pulling the zipper closed before throwing the bag off your bed to flop down and grab a few hours of sleep. 

_•Present•_

So, you sat in your apartment and tapped your pencil on the table. The doodle of Levi still unfinished as you tried to procrastinate leaving for a visit to your parents. You'd been staring at it for so long, the face was engraved in your head. 

Considering you were trying to make a 2d man look normal, you thought you were doing good. 

Finally, after making a bit of improvement, you stuffed the tablet into your backpack and grabbed your keys. Locking up your apartment for the last time.

Your car ignition roaring to life as you started the journey, a thing of watered-down McDonald's coffee in your cup holder and a box of 20 nuggets in your lap. 

You screamed along to the songs on the radio as the city shifted into the open world. The mountains of your hometown slowly rise around you. 

How many times had you made this drive? 

Hundreds, maybe thousands of times? 

The snow-capped mountains never seemed to dull as you started into the small town that signaled the start of the drive up a winding canyon. 

_Oh how quickly things had changed_. 

The screech of tires, the blinding beams of the oncoming headlights. 

Had you fallen asleep due to the migraine? 

The collision, the feeling of your head hitting the driver's window. 

How had you let this happen? Mom warned you to be careful.

The sickening sounds of your bones breaking and your car hitting a rock, bouncing you around before the clasp of the seat belt snapped. 

The next jolt throwing you out of the car. 

You didn't move. Almost every bone in your body broken as you found yourself back where we started. 

The sky littered with a million stars. It was quiet. Eerily quiet. 

_So this was death?_

You weren't scared, nor did you care. 

You made your mistake, not it was time to deal with the consequences. 

It wasn't how you imagined. You expected to see your life flash through your subconscious, a perfect video of your life. But no, it was only the memories as you mapped out the stars. The only audible sounds being your labored breath and faltering heartbeat. 

There was no way to survive this, so why fight it. Even if your body continued to fight for survival, the faint lights of an ambulance illuminated the sky. But they were too late. 

she was gone to the world when the rescuers got down to the limp and broken body. 

A single tear rolling out of her eye as she stared at the stars. 

Her pupils dilated as she heaved her last breath silently. 

_But this wasn't her end._

_This was just the beginning._


	2. 1

Instead of the bliss of death, you felt a cool breeze and blades of grass on your skin. The stench of the earth sinking into your skin as you fought the light that nipped at your closed eyes

If it weren't for the hum of voices, you wouldn't have woken up. Your eyes meeting a pale blue sky, hardly a cloud in sight as the sun finally greeted your arrival.

_But where were you?_

It wasn't until the large walls came into view, the harsh deep grey that caused you to swallow. Where had you seen those walls before?

_Oh god…_

Your body snapped upright. Your legs covered in an ankle-length deep green wool skirt. Your torso adorned a navy bodice with straps that gently made the article feel like a tank top, and under that was a long sleeve cream-colored shirt. The article fit well enough, but it hung off your narrow shoulders. So even if the bodice was loosened, the shirt wouldn't fall.

It was a bit out of your comfort zone, but it was still modest and comfortable.

_'When did I change?'_

You silently questioned, looking your attire over before your eyes landed on the small town. The smoke from the chimney looked familiar, too familiar…

Only when two children peaked the hill, making their descent back into the town did it register.

How in God's name did you end up in Attack on Titan? You were dead, a bag of literal broken bones on the side of a mountain.

Was this some dream? A mere purgatory until heaven was ready for her to show her ugly mug?

You realized your head no longer hurt as you stood up, no broken bones insight as you started down into Shiganshina. You needed to know what year it was, you needed answers as to why you were there.

Your brisk walk turned into a jog, entering into the town square as your head snapped around and around. There weren't any banners, something you read about happening when Historia retook her name and seized the throne. But there were no banners in sign as you walked the crowded streets.

One was a boy, the other a girl.

_A girl with a red scarf._

No fucking way. How had you ended in Shiganshina before the breach? Of all places, why here?

You had to leave, you had to go back to your time. This wasn't right, this had to be a dream.

Your left hand grabbed the skin of your opposite forearm, digging your nails in as you twisted. The pain was real, the blood was real.

_'Wake up dammit!'_

You let go of your arm, looking back around at the crowd of people. A familiar face walking, or more stumbling, towards you. The face looked familiar as if you'd seen him sometime before back in your past life.

"Hey, miss, you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

The male slurred, clearly drunk as you looked into the flushed face.

Everyone looked human-like. Not at all 2d with hilarious facial expressions and other such things to signal their emotions.

These people were as real as you were, and that alone made the realization sink in.

_They were human, and they were alive._

The man before you, the tall muscular Garrison soldier was no doubt, Hannes.

The dark mustache and short blond hair told you that much. The sight alone made your gut churn and forced you to take a step away. His face was so tender as he looked over your shaking figure. His face shifting to a concerned thinking face.

"Miss?"

The man tried to grab your attention.

Your eyes meeting the honey-colored ones as you shook off your shock.

"Yes, yes I'm fine. Um, can you tell me the year again?"

You asked, clearing your throat as you awaited the answer to your odd question. In response, you earned an amused smile and a laugh. Your face remained set while Hannes had a good old laugh over her ignorance.

"Oh, you're serious. Damn uh, it's 845."

The drunk man answered, his composure coming back to him as he looked back at his drinking buddies. Probably giving them a look to free him for the crazy female he'd decided to try and assist.

But you had what you needed. The year was indeed 845, which meant…

You hardly had to finish the sentence when the bolt of lightning struck outside of the wall, a hand resting at the top while a large head peaked out.

_"The colossal titan."_

You breathed, fear coursing through your veins as you watched the thing stand at full height. Your stomach churning as your chest tightened, your brain telling you to run. It was scarier in person, now doing justice to the fear these poor people felt as you took a step back. The steam that rolled off its skin was like seeing new clouds being formed. The muscles and tendons were all too real as the flexed and moved with the titans movements.

This wasn't a dream

_This was reality._

And any second that foot would breach the wall. Causing the death of thousands of people, including Eren's mom…

His mom.

Eren and Mikasa, they should be in the square. With Armin and his book, equally frozen with fear.

You remembered the fear in his mom's eyes. The feeling that told you her death wasn't meant to happen, but it did anyway. It was needed to make Eren snap and become the person he was today. 

A head of blonde hair caught your eye just as the rubble started crashing around the frantic people of Shiganshina, running to evade the titans that would soon fill the city.

You moved without thinking, dashing against the crowd to grab Armin's hand. Arms reached out in an attempt to push you to the ground, the scared screams echoed In your head as you finally made contact with the boy. 

"Come on, we need to go!"

You screamed at the smaller boy, pulling him along as you ran. His shaking hand gripping onto yours, making sure he didn't lose you in the frenzy. You're head snapping around to see where Eren and Mikasa has gone. Dammit, they were already gone. 

Your attention turned back to Armin. His grandpa was safe, that much you knew. Somehow, he would make it out, how was the question.

Your lungs burned, begging you to stop and rest. But your brain knew you couldn't stop. Stopping meant death and death meant no answers.

Armin seemed too shocked to register what was happening as you pulled the scared boy in front of you elbowed your way through the gate. Shouting curses at people as you ducked under arms and jabbed people out of your way. Eventually breaking through and into the open. The air seemed clearer, the bodies no longer smelled of sweat and anxiety. You kept moving, pulling Armin along as you tried not tonslow down, the air filed into your lungs as you were ushered towards the boats. 

"W-who are you?"

Armin finally asked after making it through. Their heavy breaths match yours as you started looking for the boy's grandpa. But instead, it seemed that Hannes had found the man first. Their eyes landed on the pair as they ran towards them, crying Armin's name as he weaved around. The frantic man embraced the boy, crying and thanking you for saving the boy.

"Thank you, Miss…"

"Y/n. But I believe Eren and Mikasa ran off, I didn't see them when I grabbed Armin."

You turned to Hannes, his eyes lingering for a moment before running back into the city. Maybe having been warned soon enough to save their mother. You could only hope.

\---------------------

After your save, Armin insisted you stay with them as you started to fabricate your story. You couldn't just explain that you died and ended up in this world, everyone would think you were insane.

Finally, you had it. A story that was indeed legit and could be believed. You just needed to forge the papers and perfect everything. 

And just in time as Armin stood from between the two adults to find his friends, happy to see that they were still alive. mortified and scared beyond understanding, but alive. 

"I can't thank you enough for saving him, I feared he'd been killed."

The elderly man thanked, looking up at your hardened face. His words snapped you from your thoughts as you looked to meet the sitting man. You could see the resemblance in the man, making you smile faintly before looking back at Armin. His blonde hair catching in the wind as the boat set off for Wall Rose.

The passengers groaned and cried, some even heaving their meals overboard or onto their neighbor. A sickening sight indeed, but your nursing instincts wanted to walk around and tend to the wounded. You'd learned about stitches, and how to dress wounds. You could give shots and perform most life-saving maneuvers with ease. But right now, the story had to play out as it was written.

"Of course sir, I lost my family, so I wasn't about to let a kid die too."

You spoke, unable to look at the older man. You had lost your family, but not to the titans. So there was a lie in the truth, but soon enough that would be what you knew. That was your truth, as the memory of your past life seemed like nothing more than a fevered dream. You'd been here for no less than a day and already you felt as if you'd lived there for years. 

There was no point in trying to figure out how you got here. This was your new life, your punishment for being careless and getting yourself killed. This was your world now. And you had to survive, no matter what. You would survive the famine, you would survive the sicknesses, you would survive the titans. You couldn't mess this second life up, you had a chance to start over and forget everything that happened back in your world. 

\------------------

Armin's grandfather took you in, allowing you to stay with them while you all worked in the fields. On the side, you did whatever you had to do for an extra payment without selling your body. Be it playing the piano for some rich man's part or offering to help with household chores.

Your nursing skills coming in handy should someone need a midwife, that alone earned you enough for two whole loaves of bread. Whatever you did, you did it for your newly adopted family.

You and Mikasa did most of the heavy lifting, while Armin and Eren did what they could to keep the family going.

Soon, Armin's grandfather was drafted and sent on an expedition. Leaving you as the head of your family. The three saw you as a big sister and a trusted friend, even going as far as to jokingly call you their mother. You honestly didn't mind, so long as it kept the kids smiling. Whenever they had a run-in with the MPs, you dealt with it. If they caused trouble, you intervened.

_This was your life for three whole years…_

So when they signed their lives away to the training corps…

Your name was right between Mikasa and Armin.

Your elegant script standing out in the list of scrawled names and information. You handed your life over to inevitable death, all to stay with your new family and fight for humanity.

Your eyes lingering on the fifteen-year-olds as Mikasa fussed with Eren, Eren hardly seemed to notice as he droned on about fighting the titans, and poor Armin looked like he was going to be sick.

Everyone was saying goodbye to their family before moving towards the wagons that would take them to the training camp.

"Ah, to be that young."

A familiar voice spoke next to you, your head turning to look at Hannes as he took a place next to you.

After multiple run-ins, thanks to Eren, the two of you had grown close and had even relied on him that first year while you got settled and on your feet.

"Right? When I was fifteen my only concerns were on if my parents would fight again or not."

You laughed slightly, remembering your birthday well.

You were about twenty-four now, and yet you looked to be entering your twenties. I guess people aged well in this world, you'd noticed how much younger you looked the second you caught yourself in a mirror.

"I saw your name on the list of recruits, I didn't expect such delicate penmanship out of you."

The man teased, gently elbowing your thin arm. You had slimmed down, but you'd also gained muscle. Sure, you looked weak, but you could hold your own. Having shadowed a few fights and participated in some yourself.

His comment made you snort, rolling your eyes as listened to the call for recruits to load up.

"Well, It served me good. Now, if you'll excuse me...I'm due to get my ass put I'm the grass during training."

"Just don't break any more fingers, y/n."

"No promises, but the prick deserved it for trying to touch me."

“Never gave you a reason to break his hand.”

“He deserved what he got, he’s lucky I didn’t round house his ass and break his jaw.”

This earned a chuckle out of the man, watching as you grabbed your personal belongings and joining the line for the wagon. You ruffled Armin’s hair with a smile, hissing at Eren to stop talking before you socked him in the jaw.

"Stay well, y/n"

“Will do, sir.”

And with that final farewell, you boosted yourself up into the wagon beside Mikasa. And off you rumbled to endure the closest thing to hell week you'd ever experienced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH the first official chapter! I figured making friends with Hannes would be fun, and I really enjoy the relationship reader has with our three babes. We will see how things go for them in training, you honestly can't skip that so get ready for a bit of drama. 
> 
> Anywho! thanks for reading and I'll see you in the next one!!


	3. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited 1/26/2020

_“Stay well, y/n.”_

_“Will do, sir.”_

_And with this final farewell, you boosted yourself up into the wagon beside Mikasa. And off you rumbled to endure the closest thing to hell week you’d ever experienced_.

\-----------------

It was worse than hell week. Your feet ached from standing at stiff attention, Commandant Keith Shadis wandering around between the 104th cadet corps. He'd stop on occasions to degrade some poor kids, his job was to break them down mentally and physically just to build them into the perfect soldier. The man shouted at Armin, his response to the man was muffled to your ears. You were rows away, your eyes forward as you waited, your legs already sore. 

You gently looked down your row, taking in the faces of your class. You couldn't count the number of cadets, all of them ranging in height and looks. 

There was Jean, who you almost didn't recognize. His face didn't resemble the ones in the anime. Keith halted, addressing the male as he gave a salute and announced his name. 

"And why are you here, Cadet?" 

"To join the Military Police sir, the best of the best" 

"That's nice, you wanna live in the interior do ya?" 

Jean smiled, nodding as he gave a confident yes. Keith crashed his head into Jean, causing you to cringe as the boy fell to his knees. The rest was history as you started to tune out everything else, not wanting to listen to this man verbally destroy these kids. 

As if on cue, your eyes caught sight of Keith grabbing poor Connie by the head. His left arm being used in the salute, a mistake you used to laugh over. Your own head snapping back to look in front of you, the female beside you gently pulled a potato from her jacket pocket. 

_Oh, Sasha honey, no…_

As if on instinct, you hissed at her for being an idiot as your hand snapped out and slapped the potato from her hands. You regretted the action as soon as you did it.

Your heart rate increased as you turned your head to look into the cold face of Keith, having caught wind of the potato and watched you both break attention. A glob of saliva rolling down your throat as the man glared down at you. God, you hated being short sometimes. Even Armin was close to exceeding you in height, and you often relied on Mikasa to reach anything high.

Sasha turned her head towards you, a sad expression on her face. God was she about to cry over a damn potato...

"My potato…"

Her voice quietly whimpered, her lower lip trembling as she looking down at the potato. Your eyes were more focused on the larger man who looked like he was about to rip you both to shreds. Sasha hardly seemed to notice the man as she crouched too, picking it up and looking at the thing as if it were her most prized possession. You honestly wouldn't have been surprised if it was.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Keith questioned, his voice low and far too calm to mean anything good as he dropped Connie and stepped towards the two of you.

Sasha, ignoring this took a bite out of the potato. You winced, knowing full well what was about to happen. Keith moved in front of Sasha, his eyes glaring holes into the poor girl.

"You are officially on my shit list! Just who the hell are you?" 

Keith screamed, and you swore some of his spit sprayed onto your face and you winced away. Oh god help her, that glare could have sent you six feet under before you even had a chance to fight the titans. You watched the terror in Sasha's face as she saluted, half-eaten potato in hand as she introduced herself.

Sasha swallowed and gave a solid salute as she introduced herself. She sounded confident as she explained herself, knowing she'd get punished harshly for this.

"Why, I can't understand. Why would you eat that potato?" 

Keith asked, his voice low as he looked at the girl in shock. 

"Eh, are you asking me why people eat potatoes? I'm surprised you don't know sir…" 

Sasha hummed, looking at the commandant with a serious expression. The only sound was the wind as a tense silence filled the camp. All eyes on potato girl as she broke off what she deemed half. Quite honestly, it was half of half, but you didn't have the guts to correct her as she handed the piece over.

"Here sir, have half." 

"Have half? Really?" 

Keith seemed honored, taking the piece, and looked at this girl. But then, hell broke loose as his face hardened as he ordered the girl to run till the sun went down. Her face was priceless as you managed out a small snort, Keith's blood-thirsty eyes turning to you as your face darkened.

Oh no…

"And you, what's your name, Cadet."

His voice was dark as you gave him a tough salute, almost knocking the wind out of your chest. You'd practiced this a thousand times in the mirror at home, perfecting it to the very thump it made on your chest.

"Y/n yl/n, sir!"

Your voice was strong and unwavering, even in the presence of this man. Sure, inside you were shaking and wanted to shit yourself, but you held it together well.

"Well, Cadet. You think it's funny to watch your comrade get subjected to running?"

"No, sir. But given the situation, I think your punishment appropriate."

"Then you'll be joining her cadet. Move now! Both of you!"

And with the final yell, you and Sasha took off to endure your punishment. At first, you two didn't accept the other's presence, jogging in silence as you hummed a little tune to yourself. Though you didn't complain, you weren't a fan of running. You could, but it wasn't your favorite pastime. Yeah. running could be fun when done for the right reasons. You'd learned how to run while on your high school cross country team, so it wasn't too bad for you. Seeing as you jogged along at a steady consistent pace, it looked almost effortless. 

But already you knew Sasha wouldn't have it half as easy.

\------------------

And so, that was how your first day went. You both missed dinner as you ran with the setting sun. You eventually decided to be the bigger person and apologize for smacking her potato into the dirt. Sasha in return apologized for dragging you into running. You both shared a laugh and soon, you got to know a bit more about Sasha and even agreed to be her bunkmate. You were both assigned to the same room after all, along with every other female cadet. So having a bunkmate already decided would make life a bit easier. You were all squished into one room and made life a bit hectic. You didn't feel safe around Annie, knowing full well that she was the female titan. You'd seen a clip of her running through one of the populated towns on the internet one time. So being surrounded by people you could trust was a blessing. 

“Come on Sasha...We can't stop…”

You huffed your lungs burning as you gently jogged next to Sasha. Grabbing her arm to keep her upright. You hurt, you wanted to give up, but the sun was just starting to go down. You only had a few more laps. The running you did the day when Shiganshina fell was nothing compared to this. Your legs were noodles, and your body felt like led as it dragged you down to the dirt.

“I can't...I'm going to die!”

Sasha wailed, throwing in the dramatics as she collapsed, dragging your tired self down with her. You both lay, chests heaving in the grass as you watch the sky turn into a shade of blue. You liked to call it midnight blue, seeing as you didn't know the actual color. It was easily one of your favorite shades of blue.

The stars that gently twinkled told you that it was dusk. Causing you to laugh as your head rolled towards Sasha.

“Hey, potato. We did-”

All you got in response was a hand flying over your mouth as Sasha held a finger to her lips. Her eyes closed as the silence covered you both.

“Hush, y/n… let me rest.”

Sasha hummed, pulling her hand from your mouth as she crossed her hands over her stomach. Her face was solemn as she lay still, her chest rising and falling in even breaths. Your lips twisting into an amused smile as you shook your head, her eyelid opening to look at you. This caused you both to break out into a fit of laughter. During your run, the two of you had spent most of the time talking and getting to know each other. You never expected Sasha to have a calm side, you always knew her as the bottomless pit when it came to eating and that she was one hell of a shot. But the girl you had gotten to know could easily become your best friend. She was passionate and caring, she wanted to retake Wall Maria and get back their farming lands.

You sat, cross-legged as your gaze shifted from the resting female to the sunset. The large red sun slowly got sucked into the ground as the crickets chirped their nightly tunes. Your gut hurt slightly from the effort of running and the sudden laughter.

“Okay, you stay here as long as you want. I'm going back to the barracks before the mosquitoes decide to make me an all-you-can-eat buffet.”

You commented, pushing yourself to your feet as you dusted the grass and dirt from your ass.

“The hell is an all-you-can-eat buffet? That sounds like a dream come true.”

“Right now, it really would be…”

Your brain was too muddled to even answer her question as you started up the hill and into your barrack room. Annie was nowhere to be seen, neither was Ymir or Crista. Mikasa was already asleep in her bunk as you claimed the two beds above her, she didn't have a bunkmate, seeing as there weren't many female recruits to being with. She had her back facing you, and the rest of the barracks seemed to be asleep. So, you stripped out of your sweaty clothes and changed. You were not ready for your first night under a thin blanket, so you relied on the heat of your fellow cadets to keep the room warm. Eventually, you drifted off to sleep faster than expected.

\-------------------

The next few days, the cadets all went through the paces.

They were tested on their ability to handle ODM gear, their endurance was pushed to the limits, and they honed in on their hand-to-hand combat skills.

As of right now, you were helping to bandage a zoned-out Eren’s head. You were cheering Sasha and Connie on as they took on the aptitude test. Connie struggled a bit while Sasha looked bored. However, Armin quickly came and found you to inform you Eren was hanging upside down. So, while Mikasa had her time on the machine, You followed Armin to help get Eren down. Once Mikasa was unhooked from the ODM, she was right next to the dizzy Eren and took over holding the male upright. Seeing as you hadn't gone yet, you figured it was time to go. You stepped up to the thing and got clipped in, taking a deep breath as your feet left the ground. Your arms failed slightly at first, but you soon found your center of balance. You shifted your weight accordingly as you hovered in the air. Your eyes looking out over the camp, admiring the view. It was hard to believe you'd spent almost three years in this world. It felt like a lifetime ago that you're only worried about graduating from college and making it into the adult world. Yet here you were, trying to graduate cadet training to survive. Living yet another day with the threat of titans and starvation hanging over your head every waking moment.

Eventually, they let you down and you were all excused for the day. 

\-------------

You sat beside Armin at dinner, enjoying your meal as the murmurs of Eren's failure circled the room. 

"Eren!" 

Mikasa grabbed the zoned-out male's shoulder to bring him to reality. He'd hit his head pretty hard during extra training. Armin had come running to find you and explained everything as you grabbed some bandaged and ran. You felt bad for the boy, knowing the only reason this was happening was because of a stupid malfunction in his belt.

You continued to eat, eyes on the kids as they talked. Your input wouldn't mean much, seeing as you knew he'd make it. But everyone had little hope in the smart mouthed boy, so you to play along. Thank God mom made you take theater in high school, the acting classes really were paying off now. 

"I think you should give up this attempt to be a soldier. There's a lot more to fighting and combat than just throwing your life away in vain." 

Even you recoiled at Mikasa's words, sharing a look with Armin as you set your spoon down. 

"What are you saying? After everything, we saw that day. After what happened to my mom! Your crazy if you think I'm just going to walk away!" 

Erens voice raised, drawing attention to your little group. 

"Eren…" 

You warned in a low voice, looking at Eren as he kept his eyes on Mikasa. But the conversation kept going as the two had their little banter. You had no words to stop the two as the bell rang, calling for the cadets to clear the tables and go. 

"Let's go…" 

Eren said, grabbing his tray as he stood. Armin followed him as Mikasa continued to speak. You sat for a moment before leaving as well, rubbing your temple as you dumped your tray. You turned, almost bumping into someone. 

"Oh god, I am so sorry!" 

You apologized, looking up into a freckled face. His short brown hair was a bit more tazled with the events of the day. 

"Hey, it's all good, no worries!" 

He smiled, dumping his tray as well. 

"Your, Y/n right? Seemed like Eren got pretty worked up during his conversation with Mikasa. I don't know how you manage those three sometimes." 

The boy chuckled, leaving the mess hall a bit behind you. 

"Yeah, and it's not bad. I've been with them since the fall, so it's just habit now. And you're…" 

You paused, trying to think of his name. 

"Marco."

Marco, what a lovely name.

You both talked during the short walk back to the barracks, offering a final farewell before entering your section and climbing into bed and drowned out the noise of the gossiping girls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE MADE IT TO CHAPTER 2!  
> yeah, this is kinda a filler in an attempt to let you make some friends. I promise the next one will be a bit more interesting! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Remember to stay hydrated and eat my dears! I'll see you in the next one!


	4. 3

_You paused, trying to think of his name._

_"Marco."_

_Marco, what a lovely name._

_You both talked during the short walk back to the barracks, offering a final farewell before entering your section and climbing into bed and drowned out the noise of the gossiping girls._

\------------

The next two years had flown by since you enlisted. Your muscles were already growing far more defined with the constant work. Everyone had a change in strength and stamina. Time had passed since Eren's malfunction, the problem having been resolved and fixed. It put a smile on your face to see him succeed and finally using his ODM gear.

The training continued to get more intense, the runs got heavier, your body grew more in tune with your gear as the days went on. You even noticed a change in your own figure. You had slimmed out and gotten a six-pack of rock-hard abs, something you'd only dreamed about having. You were convinced Armin had grown a solid three inches, making you the shortest one in your little family. This became evident when Reiner and Bertholdt sat on either side of you at breakfast. The mess hall was close to empty, seeing as it was an optional sleep in day before ODM and night training. A few groups of cadets sat around and talked strategy for the night training. Seeing as they were all being split into groups. The drill was to see who could take down the most titan dummies within the allotted time frame.

Keith had assigned mock squad leaders, having called them into his office yesterday to hand out squad assignments. This was just for your eyes only, so you only opened the sealed paper once you were alone. The squads were going to be announced during the morning check. The squad leaders would stand with Keith before being dismissed to train as a team. 

You, Along with Reiner, and a few other cadets, were given the role for the drill. Your usually uniform jackets were temporarily altered for the day. Instead of the two swords with a grey background, the grey was now replaced with one of three colors. Red, blue, and green. 

You had been given the blue squad. This meant you had a small group of four cadets to keep ‘alive’ for this drill. Seeing as there were two waves of this drill to ensure the grounds did not get too crowded. Your wave being the last one out. 

You already had the blue team jacket on, sporting the oversized thing while gaining a few envious stares. So far, your team looked promising. You had Marco, Sasha, Bertholdt, and Jean on your team. Already, you were planning out how this was going to pan out. 

You zoned out briefly as you started to strategize and plan your training, getting ahead of the game now so you didn't have to frantically pull this off later. You hardly even noticed the two large figures, only realizing they were there as they pulled back their chairs and set down their trays. 

It was too early for this bullshit...

"Good morning, Y/n. Sleep well?" 

That was Bertholdt for you, as sweet as ever. 

"Morning, y/n." 

And there was Reiner. He seemed a little less tense as he sat down and started eating. 

An amused smile played on Armin's lips as watched from over the top of his book, taking a moment to nudge Eren. The boy gave Armin a confused look as he pulled his eyes from his food, following Armin's gesture across the table as you slowed down the chewing of your bread. Your eyes looking forward at the wall as you fought the urge to pick up your tray and move. Even Mikasa found the sight amusing as she picked at her food next to Eren. The three were gently eating their food, not wanting to get flicked for forgetting their manners. Of the few things, you taught the three, table manners were your prized lesson. No elbows on the table, no talking with their mouths full, you have silverware so use it, and no chewing with their mouths open. Call it a pet peeve if you will, but it was just your standards and how you were raised.

This branched into the rest of the 104th. If anyone sat anywhere within arms reach of you, they better be using your table manners. One swift flick to the head and they all learned pretty quickly.

"Good morning to you too boys." 

You hummed out, taking the spoon in your hand as you aggressively grabbed a glob of mush and stuffed it into your mouth. Your eyes glaring at Jean, judging from his expression he was having a hay day watching this encounter. The boy snickered from his place next to Marco. They were a few feet away at another table, but you could see Marco pull his elbows off the table as soon as you sent him a warning look. A sheepish smile on his face after swallowing his mouthful of food. It seemed to be a challenge among the boys to see who could make you feel the shortest. And right now, the winner was easily Bertholdt. This challenge only seemed to apply to you, seeing as they left Crista alone. Probably for fear that Ymir would snap their necks for making her feel tiny. How it started was the question of the week. 

You looked and felt like a small pony between two large draft horses. 

You set your spoon down and gently slide your fingers up your nose as your eyes closed. Your elbows resting on the table. Elbows on the table while eating were different from elbows on the table when trying to will yourself not to melt under the table to escape the towering figures at your sides. Your eyes return to Jean as he watched in amusement as you got squished between the two large boys. 

_Don't punch him, y/n. Its not worth it. Whatever you do...Do. Not. Punch. Him._

You had to remind yourself as the side of your pointer fingers came to rest on your lips. Your eyes still closed as you gave yourself a mental pep talk, planning out how you were going to get back at these three while staying incognito to Keith. You could probably give him the most work during the drill, that would teach him a lesson.

"So, how's your breakfast, Y/n?" 

Armin asked after a moment of silence, fighting back a laugh as Eren snorted at your expression. You didn't even answer as your glare shifted to the two boys. Eren faked clearing his throat and Armin hurriedly excused himself to get rid of his empty tray. Bertholdt and Reiner both smiled slightly as they looked at each other then down at you, their chairs scooting in closer as they continued eating. This caused you to inhale sharply through your nose. The two took this as a good time to make another move, their deep tones rattling your small frame. 

“The food smells amazing, doesn't it, Reiner?”

“By far one of the better smelling meals.”

“You boys are assholes, you know that.”

You finally snapped, it was well played and you were hardly mad. Seeing as you had a faint smile on your lips while shoving your shoulder into Reiner, pulling a leg up to use your foot to push Bertholdt’s chair. Your cave forced the two to laugh a bit as Reiner braced against your shove and Bertholdt held the table to keep from moving. It was then that you noticed Reiner wearing his red team jacket, reminding you that he was going to be her opponent here in a few hours. 

“Joking aside, are you ready for the drill tonight? I heard you were a squad leader.”

Bertholdt asked, giving you your space as he continued to eat. You were almost tempted to tell him that he was on your team, but you'd been sworn to secrecy to avoid Keith getting bombarded with people wanting to be on the same team as their friend.

“Yeah, I just hope I do well as a squad leader. The last thing I want to do is let down my team.”

You hummed, finishing your food as you came to terms with the two men. They weren't going to move, so it seemed you'd just have to deal. 

"I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job, y/n. You'll see." 

"Thanks, Bert. We will see how it goes." 

You smile, finally sitting in silence as everyone finished their meals. 

\------------

  
  


The morning check was eventful, everyone seemed excited about the drill as Keith went through his daily check before announcing the squads. Armin seemed down over the fact that he wasn't in your squad, and Eren seemed excited to be on Reiners team. Great, you had to outsmart Reiner and beat Eren. 

You waited for your squad, smiling at everyone before addressing and giving them the rundown of their morning. Until the drill was started, you did anything and everything with your squad. This meant training and eating would be done together.You decided to watch the group, having spent your morning doing your own workouts. 

"I didn't know that's what your new uniform meant! Congrats on being Keith's pick for a squad leader." 

Sasha squealed, putting an aim over your shoulder as her knuckle ruffled your hair. You couldn't help but laugh as you shrugged her off. You had to stay professional, so you stood at attention and looked the four over. They took the hint and did the same. 

"Alright cadets. I won't be easy on you. Those titans are fucking terrifying, so I must ensure you are well prepared to fight." 

You told them in a serious voice, even as they tried not to laugh. They knew you were being serious, but seeing you like this was all new to them. You snapped a hard salute, smirking at the group. 

"I assure you, you will be hardened soldiers once I'm through with you." 

The other saluted as well. Ready to give their hearts to this drill. A drill you had to shine in if you wanted to make it in the military ranks.

\---------------

What you didn't know was that the commanders from the three corps were all coming to watch this drill. You had all been told to treat it as if they were going up against real titans. So you trained like you were, joining your team in pull ups, runs, hand-to-hand, and other such exercises. 

Erwin was the first to show up, watching the training grounds with eagle eyes as the groups all took a rest break. One group, in particular, caught his eye. A blue team that was just coming to a haul after running In full gear, all of them looked exhausted. 

The so-called squad leader hardly missed a beat as she tossed canteens of water, only drinking once her team all had water. He looked over her group as they seemed to perk up, a smile on their lips thanks to some unheard joke their leader made. 

"You've been staring for a while now, Erwin. Have you picked your winning squad yet?" 

"You could say that. Though I'm curious to see who you have in mind, Commander Pixis." 

The older man stepped next to Erwin as he gave the man a nod of acknowledgment. He had been staring for a while, hadn't he. But something about how the woman motivated her team seemed appealing to the commander. She cared more for her team than she did herself. A trait like that was rare. 

"Red team seems to have the most discipline, so I bet even money on them winning. That girl on the blue team is being too soft, there's more to this drill than running. Even if she's doing her training productively." 

Pixis noted, watching as the red team continued to train. Their faces hardened as they worked in silence. Erwin frowned at the words. Everyone else looked miserable with their squads, and yet this female managed to pull her team together and make them work progressively. 

"I have my bet on that blue team there. She's managing her group well, and takes genuine care of the members before worrying about herself." 

Erwin argued. Watching as the team got divided for a hand-to-hand drill, the girl wandering between the groups and offering advice. Her style was something the man had never seen, and yet it was effective. 

They were running out of time, and he had yet to see their vertical maneuvering skills. But he didn't doubt that they would do well. 

He had high hopes for the girl, she was dedicated to her team and victory. Something that he wanted in the survey corps. It wasn't long until the commanders were called away. They were provided with red cloaks, making them visible to the cadets as they all stood on a ledge to watch. Levi Ackerman, humanity's strongest, stood next to Erwin Smith as they watched the first group of cadets. His tongue clicking in disappointment at the lack of coordination and communication between the squads members. If they couldn't even work together on a drill, how did they expect to stay alive during an actual fight. 

You stood with your nervous squad, watching as their fellow cadets left the battlefield. They looked exhausted and beaten as they limped off. You turned, looking at your group with reassuring eyes. Blissfully unaware that two specific commanders had their eyes on you. They're expectations varied greatly, one expecting failure and the other having high hopes. 

"Right, remember what we talked about. We don't give up until every last titan is down. If you see a ssquadmatestruggling, help them. No man left behind. We might win, we might lose, but what's important is that we do it together." 

Your voice hushed, but strong as you looked at every single face. You looked on either side of you, Sasha and Marco seemed like they were about to faint while the others just looked fidgety. You stepped up, placing a hand on their shoulders. They looked at you, not expecting the action. 

"You are soldiers, you can do this."

You smiled, earning one in return as you drew a blade from your sheath. Holding it up as your squad followed as your blades all clashed. 

"Now let's kick some ass!" 

You shouted, drawing your other blade as you launched off and onto the tree that marked your team's starting point. Reiner looked at your team, shaking his head at your antics. To win, you needed to be efficient and fast. And he planned to put your ass in its place, his grip tightening on his blade as he eyed the titan cut out. A cadet stood at the base of each titan to make which team knocked down the titan. You had your mind on the plan, looking over your team and giving each of them a nod oofencouragement. The adrenaline running through your veins, ready to prove your worth to your fellow cadets and tumanity. 

"Yellow team, Cadet are you ready!" 

Keith shouted, his place being with the other commanders. All of them anxious to see the best of the training corps. It's what they were waiting for after all. Keith had saved his better cadets for last. 

"Ready!" 

Your heart raced, eyes forward as you could feel all the eyes of your team on you. The yellow tteam'scall was shaky, as if they were indeed terrified. 

"Red team, Cadet are you ready?"

"Ready." 

Reiner sounded almost too calm, he was cocky and sure that he would win. Finally ,it was left to you, the team of underdogs. 

"Blue team, Cadet are you ready." 

"Ready sir!" 

You called, your change in the signal putting a vague smile on Keith's lips. That was what he expected out of you. 

"And that's why she'd a squad leader. Y/n, mother to the 104th." 

Keith mumbled to himself, preparing the the flare even if the other commanders easily caught on. Their eyebrows raised at the comment, their eyes turning to your determined face. They were all baffled by the title, but figured they would understand it sooner or later. 

Over the past few weeks, you'd earned the cadets. They trusted you like they would a mother. Though, like the rest, you were at their level. You were a friend, a comrade, and someone who was willing to sacrifice it all for the people she cared for. This was seen in your care of those who had grown close to you. Even Reiner and Bertholdt relied on you, often coming in search of advice or simply to have a training partner. 

The others had adopted the nickname that Eren, Armin, and Mikasa gave you. You were mama to the group of teens, being the parent they either lost, missed, or didn't have. You were trusted and needed, seeing as you managed to pull the cadets of the 104th together. Keith saw this and your life would be tough. He knew you would suffer the losses harder than any of the others. Every single cadet, known or unknown, was like a child to you. Even if you never admitted it, you enjoyed being someone that they could lean on. 

The man knew you had one hell of a future. Humanity needed you, the cadets needed you. The man kept his eyes on you as you gave a silent word of encouragement to your team as he raised his flare. 

"Ready...begin!" 

Keith shouted, firing his flare as the ODM gear whirled to life as the three teams launched immediately into action.

The drill had begun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH I am so proud of this chapter, you have no idea. I cannot tell you how in love I am with this book, and I hope you all are enjoying it too. Please don't hesitate to leave any feedback, I love hearing from you guys and getting suggestions on how to improve. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Don't forget to eat something, get a glass of water, and maybe catch a few Zzzs. I'll see you all in the next chapter!


	5. 4

_"Ready...begin!"_

_Keith shouted, firing his flare as the ODM gear whirled to life as the three teams launched immediately into action._

_The drill had begun._

\------------------

The rush of wind, your hands flying over the controls as your team flew in a set formation. Your eyes on a nearby cut out of a titan. 

"Jean! Marco!" 

You shouted. The two cadets dropped from the formation as Marco took the legs, Jean taking the nape. 

It was an effective strike, landing your team points. One point for a takedown, and an extra if you took out mobility on the titan. Your eyes spotting a hidden target behind a tree, the hooks of your gear locked high in a tree, spinning your body around the trunk as you zoomed past and upwards, arching your back and letting your head fall back. Your body follows your head as you dive. 

_Wait… wait…_

You closed in on the nape as you fell downwards. Spinning your position to take out the target, giving your team three points. You joined back with your squad, having Sasha and Bertholdt take out a titan as you reconciled your squad. 

"We're at six points with five and a half minutes left. From what I've seen, the red and yellow teams are taking out whatever titan they can find. We're going to move to the back and spread into groups. Remember to talk to each other." 

You reminded, gaining affirmative nods from everyone as your group started towards the back. A place where the most targets sat. 

Your decision did not go unnoticed. As your team zoomed by the spectators, an invisible smile on Keith's lips as he watched you fly by. Erwin was equally surprised with your decision. You were skilled with the gear and your decision to start in the back was something he had yet to see. None of the other cadets had gone through the hassle, leading them to disaster as they fumbled to gather points. The commanders watched as your team tore through. Shouting their moments to each other to make some quality kills, often they'd shout to you for orders. And after barely any hesitation you'd shout back for the groups to press on. The groups constantly changed. One second you worked with Sasha, the next you were assisting Marco and Jean, and the following Bertholdt was slicing a nape while you took out the legs. And how did this all work? Because you communicated with eachother. Something you'd done all through training that day. 

All the commanders seemed impressed, murmuring to one another as they praised the groups. Even Levi was impressed, but only because your communication and orders were fast but clear. Though he didn't show this, choosing to keep his usual resting bitch face. Where the other teams struggled, your team thrived. All because you called if you had the titan or not, and if someone called it before you they had the kill. And it wasn't the same person, everyone had a shot to take out the cutouts. 

"She's good, but her technique Is dangerous." 

Erwin hummed to the smaller male, taking his eyes off your work to see what the captain had to say. You were too vocal, that could attract titans on the battle field and lead to an ambush. Not to mention, your team was overworking. They slowly started to show their exhaustion as their movements slowed. 

"Agreed, she's rushing and being too loud. Should this not be a drill she would have died by now. A waste of rations if you ask me." 

Levi grumbled, his grey eyes watching as you halted in a tree to catch your breath. Your eyes watching as your team took out the last cut out in the area. Your total sitting at around twenty, putting you neck and neck with the red team. 

"She manages the team well, I wasn't expecting much out of an inexperienced cadet. So I admit that she surpassed my expectations. But she still has much to learn, they all do." 

The tall blonde hummed, his eyes drifting between the teams. It was as Keith promised, these were his finest troops. He'd explained where he ranked everyone, seeing as the top ten would be eligible for the Military police. Erwin would be lucky to have any of these cadets in the survey corps. 

Finally, you called for a rest. Your teammates all joining you on a tree as you make checks and discarded dull blades. 

Your tanks were holding steady, seeing as you relied on your body weight to come in strong for a kill. Momentum was everything even if you still used your gas more than you probably should. 

"We're doing good. As far as I'm concerned the plan is working, how's everyone holding up?" 

Your eyes darted around as everyone caught their breath. They needed their rest, you were all exhausted from the mad dash to get points early. Maybe you pushed them a little too hard. Jean seemed to be the first one to recover, so you told the others to rest while you and Jean jumped back into action. You had to keep moving, no matter how much your body hurt and begged for a rest.

"We'll hit the middle section and hope there are still cutouts. We only have two minutes left so aim for the ones that'll give us points, got it?" 

Jean nodded as the two of you set to work, snagging a few extra points as the rest of your team joined back with you. The clock was ticking, only a matter of moments before the flare to stop was raised. 

Sasha and Bertholdt took out a titan while you assisted Marco, the two of you flying past each other as you both cut the thick nape. Finally, Keith signaled time. 

Everyone landed, turning to look at their commandant while the points were rung up. 

"Y/n! That was amazing!"

Soon, Sasha was embracing you. Praising you as her grip popped your back, causing you to gasp slightly. The brunette released you and turned to look in the direction of Keith's hideout. The rest of your team joined you, excitedly reminiscing on their takedowns as you all stood in a tired swarm. 

"Thanks, you all did well. I couldn't have asked for a better team." 

You laughed a bit, wrapping your arms around her shoulder and hugging her. All of you were sweaty and tired, but you all waited for the points to be announced. 

Bertholdt sent a confident smile in your direction, mouthing a silent ' I told you so' as you rolled your eyes. He had been correct about you being a good leader, and everyone knew it. But even you knew that you still had alot to learn. 

"Alright you little shits, you didn't die." 

Keith called, all eyes turned to the man as everyone took stood at attention. The man stood with his hands behind his back. His face was expressionless as he waited for the teams to quiet down. 

"Yellow team, you're dismissed with fifteen points." 

The man called, watching as the team sadly left. Leaving with a defeated mumbled. 

Your throat felt dry, fearing you hadn't brought home the win. What if your plan hadn't worked the way you thought? 

"Now, as for the rest of you. Cadet Braun and Y/n step forward!" 

The man yelled, waiting as your teams looked quizzically at their leaders before the two stepped up. Both of you saluting as you kept your eyes on the man, utterly confused. 

"How the hell you are still alive is beyond me. But how you two managed to both end with the same amount of points is a bigger concern." 

The man held up the sheet. Your eyes wide as you read the final tally. Both your team and Reiners had twenty-three points. Your jaw almost unhinged in surprise. You and your team had taken down twenty-three cutout titans. 

"As squad leaders, you'll be going against each other for the highest point. One dummy remains, the first one to take it down earns the point. Am I understood!" 

"Yes sir!" 

You both responded in unison, your heart racing as you stole a glance at Reiner. His face was set, and you knew he'd stop at nothing to make this point. 

"Get ready and get to your places, the rest of you clear out. Anything goes, just take that thing down." 

Keith instructed as you nodded, glancing back at your team. They were counting on you as they moved out of the way. You ejected your blades, taking the final blades from your sheath. They seemed heavier than you remembered, but you blamed it on your tired arms. Your hands fidgeting with the gears as you launched to a starting position, frantically trying to think over how you could do this. Reiner hung on the branch to your left, grunting as his feet hit the trunk.

"No hard feelings when I kick your ass?" 

"Hey, I'm getting my revenge from this morning. You'll be the one that's crying when you get beat by someone smaller than you." 

This caused a small laugh between the two of you. Readying yourself for the flare to start. You smirked as Keith raised his arm. 

"By the way, we need to talk after this." 

You spoke seriously, causing Reiner to snap his head over and look at you with large and questioning eyes. Your words timed just right as the gun went off. The small delay giving you time to anchor into a tree and zoom off. Shortly followed by Reiner, the male verbally shaming himself for falling for your wonderful psychological prank.The cut out remained in your line of sight, the seconds felt like minutes and you prepared to take your shot, flying at breakneck speed, your tanks sputtering slightly as you neared empty. You had to get this, you had to win. You're team and your dignity was all on the line. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, your body begging you to rest. But you had to get this last one. 

You imagined the real deal, a titan with someone in its grasp and crying for help. Jaws open to snap the being in two. You saw Ann and your mom, begging for you to save them from inevitable death. The idea alone spurred you, causing an angered cry to escape your throat as your blades hit the nape, tears pricking your eyes. Your fake life story seemed all too real now. Your mother had joined you on a visit to shiganshina to see your father, a garrison soldier who died when the walls fell. You managed to forge certificates of death to ensure your story was believable. You watched your entire family get eaten by titans. Her arms reaching for you as she cried for help. 

_But the nape wasn't all you hit._

You could head the splintering of wood as the wooden head fell to the ground. Everything moved in slow motion, the speed and aggression of your swing not only broke the dummy. 

_It broke your blades as well._

You tried to cover your face, but it wasn't enough. A shard ricosed, colliding with your face as the other parts of the blades cut your arms. your body landing with a sickening thud as you tried to comprehend what had happened The pain not resisting until you felt the warm blood pouring from the four-inch gash over your nose. You were dizzy with pain, your body totally out of it as your vision blurred in and out of focus. The ringing in your ears matched the sound of your heartbeat. You lay on your side, back facing the amazed and worried commanders. 

_But you did it... You managed to snag the point and win._

Your squadmates zipping and running to your aid as you pushed yourself to your knees. Sasha screamed for a medic as she was the first by your side. Without knowing who else was there, your eyes trained on the droplets of blood that splattered onto the dirt. Your arms and hands were red with blood from the excess shards. You spit the metallic blood from your mouth and your head spum. The rest of your team formed a semi-circle around you as Bertholdt pulled his sleeve done to hold over your nose. The male pointed back towards the encampment and told Marco and Jean to get help as the dark-haired man caught your body before face planting into the dirt. 

"Hang on, Y/n. We're getting help." 

Sasha's panicked voice was muffled to your ears as you slowly close your eyes. A nap was just what you needed right now as you slipped into a sweet unconscious state. 

Bertholdt hauled you up, carrying you to meet the medics. The male looked like he was going to be sick when he handed you off to the medics. His hands bloody as he watched as they rushed you back. They had to force Eren and Jean back as they tried to follow the team into the building. Mikasa grabbing Eren while Marco grabbed Jean. 

Your entire team was in a panic.

Sasha sat on the steps, her hand shaking as she sat on the steps of the building. Jean punched a post before running his hands over his face and through his hair. Marco did his best to soothe Jean, assuring him and everyone else that you'd be fine. You were strong, you'd bounce back. 

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin all leaned on the wall to anxiously wait. 

And this. This was what made up your family and earned you the nickname, Mother of the 104th. This was seen by the commandant as he watched the group from his office as he sighed, shaking his head. 

"Reckless bitch…" 

The man grumbled, a frown on his face. Her actions could have gotten her killed on the battlefield, causing yet another loss for humanity. The man let out a sigh as he sat down to finish his paperwork. He had to prepare for graduation. It was almost time for the cadets to join the ranks and defend humanity, putting yet another generation out to fight for their survival. Keith turned his eyes back to look at the group. Now joined by Connie, Crista, and Ymir. 

"Something tells me great things will come from those pipsqueaks…" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, we're getting places! And look who showed up to watch you fail.  
> I feel like this chapter was a bit more interesting, so I hope you all enjoyed.  
> But our first battle scar! How exciting! 
> 
> Anyway, you, go take care of yourself mkay? I'll see yall in the next chapter!


	6. 5

_Keith turned his eyes back to look at the group. Now joined by Connie, Crista, and Ymir._

_"Something tells me great things will come from those pipsqueaks…"_

\--------------------

You were back home, back in your time. You could hear the cars and the hum of nature. If you squinted, you could even see the outline of some buildings. 

But you were still in your uniform, bloodstains on your jacket and grey shirt. You could still feel it's warms as you looked about. People were dressed in black, a pained silence filling the open air as the rain unleashed on the gathering. Whose funeral were you attending? You looked about the room, spotting a few familiar faces. One in particular catching your eye. 

Her eyes had dark circles and her cheeks were sunken in. She looked frail, like any light breeze would knock her over as she looked down at the gravestone from under the umbrella she held. 

But those eyes. They were so familiar and yet so foreign.

"Mom..." 

No answer, the woman just kept looking at the casket. Her heartbreaking as she clung to what looked like a photograph with her free hand. You stood in front of the woman, your eyes pricked with tears as you gently touched the face. It was cold to the touch, making you quickly retract your hands. Her lips mumbling the same words. 

_"How could you leave us."_

The words were robotic as she held the frame with white knuckles, tears continued to stream down her face as she looked at the mound of dirt and flowers. She rocked slightly, her lower lip quivering as she tried to control herself. The sight broke you, seeing just what your mistake had caused. All these people were mourning you, the few people that were there were there to grieve over your carelessness. You slowly turned to read the headstone. 

Carved in the grey marble you were able to read your name, birthday, death day, and a small message. How lovely, your mother decided to keep your headstone as basic as ever. 

"Mrs, Yl/n. It's time to go." 

Your head turned to see the solemn face of your best friend. Ann held your tablet in her hands, her face red and puffy from crying. You'd never even gotten to finish the drawing you promised. Your mother hesitated before turning to Ann, leaning on the girl as they left you to stand in the rain. Watching as the people slowly trickled away, leaving you to stare after them. When you turned back, the grave had changed. There was no graveyard, no tombstone. 

It was a destroyed Shiganshina. Rubble was bodies scattered around you, all of them were wide-eyed and looking directly at you. Their dead eyes all seemed to be saying the same thing. 

"How could you leave us." 

Your head-turning every which way as your pulse quickened. 

The bodies furthest from you were unrecognizable, but as you came closer in…

Members of the 104th and some of the survey corps. 

You could see their faces clear as day. 

Bertholdt, Annie and Reiner.

even were covered in blood and motionless, their faces looking away from you. 

Jean, Marco, and Connie. 

No. This wasn't real. 

_Sasha_ , Ymir, and Crista. 

Wake up, you have to wake up.

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. 

They were right in front of you, you raised your hands to run them through your hair. Only to realize your hands were covered in blood. Fresh, warm, and oozing as you stared in horror. 

"This was all your fault…" 

You fell to your knees as tears flowed freely down your cheeks. 

What had you done to get their blood on your hands?

You say, staring at their dead faces. Your arms at your sides as the earth shook. Your eyes slowly traveled up to see a titan, its features closely resembling those of your mother. A sick smile on its face as it stopped to look at you.

Its arm reached out to grab you, the crushing pressure of its grasp was enough to crush your bones as it raised you to its open mouth. 

"Stay alive, you have to live." 

A voice. It seemed so familiar. The tone was pleading and desperate, almost on the verge of tears. You couldn't put a name to the pained voice, no matter how badly you wanted to

"Y/n, you have to live for me!" 

The cry was cut short as the titan's jaws closed down on your body. 

\-------------------------

Sasha sat on the foot of your bed, her eyes glaring from her conversation with Connie as the two watched you stirred in your slumber. Jean halted his pacing as you let out a muffled cry, his eyes soft as you softly whimpered the word stop. Eren was leaning on the wall next to your bed, Mikasa next to him as they studied your anguished face. He had a feeling you were dreaming about the fall of Shiganshina. Marco sat in a chair next to your bed, his foot tapping nervously on the floor as he leaned his arms on his knees. 

"Should we try to wake her up?" 

Marco asked, looking between the others. They knew you have overdone yourself yesterday during the drill. The medics estimated that you'd be asleep for a day or two, but never expected you to have such vivid dreams. They all watched with halted breaths everything your hand twitched or a limb shifted.

They were all worried and had all stayed the night, none of them wanting you to wake up alone and in a panic. It would have hurt them all to see you wake up alone.

They all understood the dreams. Often they woke up to you making your rounds, making sure everyone was alive and well. The midnight trips put you at ease and proved that the dreams weren't real, all so you could get a wink of sleep. Even Mikasa peeked over the edge of your bunk to make sure you were alive some nights. After coming face to face with the colossal, you came to appreciate the life you used to live. You don't have to worry about your next meal or if you’d live to see another day. 

"No, let her wake up on her own. If we force her to wake up she might have a fit." 

Armin spoke from his place on the floor at Eren's feet. A book in his hands, his thumb and pointer finger held the page gently as he waited to turn it. His own worried eyes turned towards your harsh shift in position. After the accident, the medics had ushered everyone out so they could work without Jean and Eren yelling at them and asking a million questions. 

None of them had left, choosing to stick it out and wait till the doctor let them all back in. They hadn't left since, scared they wouldn't be let back in. Armin was the last to enter, having talked to the doctor. 

You were lucky the shards missed your eyes. The nose wound was bad enough, but it didn't do any serious damage. Just a nasty scar to act as a friendly reminder of just what you'd endured. The training wasn't easy, everyone knew that, and yet they still stayed on. 

“She's been asleep for almost two days, don't you find that worrying?”

Jean asked, pausing to gesture to your now peaceful body. Marco’s eyes still rested on your form, willing you to wake up sooner or later before Jean started going haywire and punching things again. The others looked at Jean, his eyes on Armin as the boy swallowed and closed his book.

“Jean, she needs rest. This is the longest I think I've seen her sleep.”

Sasha argued, Mikasa and the other girls nodding in agreement. 

“So, She doesn't deserve to stay in this unconscious state. She hasn't eaten since yesterday, and it's already almost dinner.”

The male resumed his pacing, unaware that the argument had somehow been the trigger to wake you up. Your head turned slightly as everyone started to circle around your waking figure. Marco gently grabbed your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Jean…”

“Don't ‘Jean’ me, y/n may need rest but she-”

The man turned mid-sentence, his eyes locked on the group as you started to open your eyes. 

“She's waking up.”

Jean leaned on the foot of the bed, anxiously watching as you slowly and fully opened your eyes. Looking at all the faces in an attempt to understand why they were all there.

“Since when did you all start watching people sleep?" 

Your voice croaked out, a small smile on her lips as she gave Marco a reassuring squeeze. It was good to see you joking around, even after sustaining such an injury and being knocked out so long. 

You started to push yourself into a seated position, Armin and Marco jumping at the opportunity to help and make sure you didn't move too quickly. 

"You had us worried, you've been asleep for a few days. The commandant came to check in this morning." 

Armin explained after what looked like a headrush subsided from your squinted eye. It was odd to hear that Keith had visited, but nonetheless, you felt honored that he cared. 

"Is that all that happened, seemed pretty uneventful." 

You couldn't help but laugh a bit as you reached up to touch the bandaged nose, it was still tender but you could only hope the stitches were good. You doubted that you could do them yourself, so no use in trying to fix their mistakes. 

"How bad was it? I don't remember much, just that we got the point." 

The question hung in the air before Sasha finally answered for everyone. 

"The medics said you'd have a scar, and that you were lucky the shards missed your eyes. Keith started a search to find out who made the blades. Apparently, it was some cadet who'd slacked off and didn't check. They're in the fields now." 

You nodded slightly. You knew scars were inevitable, but you hadn't expected to get one during your training days...well, what was left of those days anyway. Graduation was in a few months, with plenty of time to heal and get caught up with the others. 

The group talked a bit longer before getting ushered out for dinner and so they could check your stitches to see that everything was still fine and dandy. You managed to convince them to let Sasha stay for this, not wanting to be totally alone just yet. 

The process was a bit painful, but after crossing your eyes in an attempt to see the damage you realized why. The wound was right under the curve of your nose and around five or so inches long. But you didn't have an infection, so that was a good thing. 

Once re-bandaged and given some food, Sasha waved her goodbye as she left. Promising to visit in the morning and see how you were doing. And with that, you finally sat in silence. You're back resting on the wall while you tried to estimate just how long it would be before you could get back to work.

\----------------------

After about ten days, you were released. But over the next month, you had strict orders not to overwork yourself, seeing as you'd already overdone it once before. Your friends took it upon themselves to make sure you obeyed orders, often following you and being your little Jiminy Cricket and making sure you took plenty of breaks and didn't sneak out for unplanned training. 

Even now, on the final day of training, they scolded you for carrying too much and straining yourself. Seeing as the cadets had been placed with the task of carrying supplies off a wagon and to their respective building, you had no choice but to work. All the while, someone tried to carry the loads for you. However, you shrugged their help off and carried the boxes with ease. You had these muscles, and you planned to use them. Especially after being told to sit out of hand-to-hand combat training.

"Jean, I can carry a box. Plus, I'm back on my normal schedule. I can handle this." 

You hauled the crate up, changing your grip as you jumped and stuffed the crate into its place on the stack. 

"But what if you drop it on your face and reopen tour stitches?"

"They are fully healed now, Jean. It's been a month." 

"Still, anything can happen." 

You took the two crates handed down to you, huffing slightly as you used your knee to allow you to get a good grip. Jean watching with hesitant eyes, ready to take the load should you not be able to handle it.

"This is the last load, not the end of the world. Now get your ass in the wagon while I drop these off." 

You nodded back at the wagon that was filling with recruits to head for the graduation ceremony. Jean wanted to argue but you were already halfway to the crate pile, setting the boxes down and making your way back to the wagon. You boosted up into a seat, leaning back as the horses started to pull them away. 

\--------------------

This had to be the biggest achievement of your life. Enduring the years of training and work had paid off, and you enjoyed the change. Your muscles were the best they had been in your entire life.

The torches flickered against the cadet's faces, all of them standing and chatting about what they were going to do and which branch they were going into. You sat through Eren's passionate speech, letting the boy fight his own battle and push most of the 104th to join the Scouts. But not you, you still weren't sure what branch you wanted to join. The MP was already out of reach, so it was between the Garrison and the Scouts

You were conflicted. You didn't want to die, you didn't want to face the titans and risk getting killed. And yet everyone you knew would be going into the Survey Corps. You couldn't stop them, it was how the story played out. But that didn't mean you had to follow. You could make your way in the Garrison, even if it meant not being able to see your friends for a very, very long time.

"Hey, Y/n, how are you feeling?" 

Your mind snapped from your internal debate to look at the small blonde that sat next to you. Your lips twisting into a smile as you glanced at Crista. 

"I feel great. It feels nice to finally graduate." 

You smiled, taking a sip of your watered-down coffee. Drinking had never been something fun for you, not after some events that occurred back in high school during a party an old friend had dragged you to. 

"I agree, though I still don't know what branch I want to join. Where are you thinking about going? I heard Eren and the others are joining the Survey Corps, will you be joining them?" 

Of course, he was. The kid never stopped talking about killing all the titans and being the best in the corps. But did you want to join them? You'd never see them again if you didn't, and you promised Grandpa Arlert that you'd take care of Armin. But could you keep that promise? Was it worth your life? 

"I don't know...I'm still on the fence about it myself." 

You laughed slightly, holding your mug in your hands. 

"I promised to take care of them. Eren can be reckless, and Mikasa and Armin always follow him to make sure he doesn't get himself killed. It's my job to make sure the three don't get into something that they regret." 

You ranted slightly, taking yet another sip while Crista hummed and nodded. It was sad to see how mature these kids were, they were all so much younger than you and yet they already seemed so content and aged.

“You still have a bit to decide, there's no rush y/n. A bunch of us are heading back to the barracks if you want to come. I think Eren and the others left already.”

The small female offered, giving you a reassuring smile. How could you deny the offer, your legs moving on their own as you stood and started to weave through the partying cadets. And yet, you knew this bliss wouldn't last. Most of these cadets would be dead soon, a thought that had plagued you since joining the training corps. You'd grown attached to them, all of them, but what could you do to stop it? All you could do was enjoy your night before going on cannon duty.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! I finally caught a break and was able to update! I hope everyone is enjoying this so far, it's been a blast to write. I plan on the next chapter being a fun one and I've already started planning future chapters.  
> But I hope everyone is doing okay, especially after the new episode. Please take care of yourself! 
> 
> Anywho, thanks for reading! And I'll see you in the next one!  
> Muah xo


	7. 6

_ And yet, you knew this bliss wouldn't last. Most of these cadets would be dead soon, a thought that had plagued you since joining the training corps. You'd grown attached to them, all of them, but what could you do to stop it? All you could do was enjoy your night before going on cannon duty. _

\------------------

Slowly but surely, everyone filled into the barracks to get some sleep. You managed to stay asleep while a tipsy Sasha crawled over you to get to her side of the bunk. But once the lights were out, the silence was almost too perfect. You enjoyed your final night in the barracks that had been your home for two whole years. The memories in this building caused you to mentally smile.

You could vividly remember your first night, your legs aching from the strain of running so long. Now, you were confident you could twice that distance and in half the time without hardly breaking a sweat. It was the joy of being a cadet, you had been built into the perfect soldier who could obey orders and maneuver ODM gear like a champ. You doubted that you could break a two-year routine, so you just went along and followed your daily tasks. 

You were up with the sun, climbing out of the bunk to grab your uniform and hit the shower before anyone else could see you. You took your shower, got dressed, and started back into the barracks. Usually, Mikasa and Annie were up and helped you wake those who needed an extra and sometimes literal push to get out of bed. The three of you had made a silent agreement to never expose the others during wake-up. You usually handled Sasha, seeing as the first few minutes were spent with her being treated like a toddler before fully waking up.

Today was special though. The cadets would be going into Trost for cannon duty before leaving for their desired branch. 

It was nice to be back with the masses, your head turning every which way as you made your way through the streets. You purposely separated yourself from the others, needing a breather while you thought over which branch to join. You had the safety of the Garrison, but the Scouts offered you so much more. Your eyes glowed with a new intensity as you watched the Scouts re-enter the city, watching only briefly before turning away. Why was this so difficult?

You decided to distract yourself, choosing to browse the stalls. Your eyes landing on a small mound of juicy red strawberries. Thus began the lengthy bargaining with the merchant for a small assortment of the strawberries and even some chocolate. Both items were a rarity, and you were craving chocolate-covered strawberries. 

Eventually, you managed to get the two and put them in your bag. It was a creation of your own. A small backpack that you made out of an old dress you found when you first arrived. It was large enough to carry most everything but small enough to not interfere with your gear. 

You held three strawberries in your hand, spitting the stem from your mouth as you found your way to the wall for cannon duty.

Cannon duty never came. You were about to ascend the wall, you're gear and everything strapped on and ready as the elevator started to raise when the attack started. 

You had been knocked off your feet, the lift jolting to a stop as your fearful eyes turning towards the wall as you watched the colossal peak over as you quickly stood and backed up slightly. 

“It's him…”

You mumbled, unable to say anything else as you froze with fear, you hadn't felt this small since you were a child. you used to cover whenever your mom or even your older brother got mad at you. That fear followed you into adulthood and broke the second you first came face to face with Keith. The only sound outside of the animals was that of your heartbeat, thudding wildly in your ears before you finally snapped and moved, your hands flying over the controls as you launched up the wall. You counted the seconds before covering your face as the wall was once again breached. 

“No...No!”

You screamed, watching as the others got pushed off the wall, their screams reaching your ears. The rope of the lift snapping as it started to plumet. Your fight or flight kicked in as you grabbed the blade holder and shot a cable into the wall, your feet sliding as you came to a stop. You're eyes watching the platform fall and splinter. You're heart thunder wildly with adrenaline, but  you needed to get up there, you needed to help. The whizz of your cables echoed as you flew up the wall and halted next to Connie, the boy giving you a fearful look at the breached wall.

“They’re gonna get in…”

“Connie, look at me.”

“They’re gonna get in.”

“Connie.”

“They’re gonna get in!”

“Connie fucking Springer look at me right now!”

You screamed, zipping up towards him to grab his collar and snap him out of the fear-stricken state. His eyes looking at you with nothing but absolute terror. He was shaking, and so it seemed were you as you shook him slightly. 

“Years of training and this is how you reach? Get your shit together Springer!”

The words echoed, striking a cord as the boy nodded wildly. Eren’s voice carried as he shouted for them to engage and attack, you watched him fly past and up towards the colossal. Something in you being screamed to help Samuel. Your eyes turned to look at Eren one final time as he engaged with the colossal titan, you couldn't waste time, you had to get the Injured out of there. 

“Blouse! With me! We need to get Samual to safety, Move your asses! All of you!”

You called, swinging towards Sasha, Everyone else watched in awe as Eren took on the titan while you and Sasha descended the wall. Everyone was moving now, spurred into action by both your words and Eren to do what they could. You made Samuel your priority. Your arms wrapping around him as he was lowered into your grasp. 

There was rubble everywhere as you pulled a strap from Samuel’s gear, making a tourniquet around his calf where Sasha had attached her cable. You admired her quick thinking, her actions having kept him alive. 

“Stay with me Samuel, You’re going to be okay.”

You spoke, hiding the tremble in your voice as you yanked. He groaned in response, his muscles tensing with the sudden pain and loss of circulation. Sasha landed next to you, helping to haul the wounded man up as you both began to move. A few Garrison members relayed the message of the colossal response as they moved on towards the wall, leaving the two of you to haul the injured man to HQ.

\--------------------

Everyone was frantic, everyone trying to refill blades and tanks before getting told their orders. It was hell on earth, hundreds were already dead and the populace was being evacuated. You had yet to see Eren and the others, having been too busy filling your tanks and helping one cadet so she did not waste the precious gas.

Along with everyone else in headquarters, you were on edge and utterly terrified. Shiganshina held no sentimental value to you, but Trost did.

You knew what was happening, and still, you almost managed to run into someone while carrying your tanks to get filled. You hardly responded to the encouraging words of the Garrison soldier, your mind elsewhere and on all the lives that would be lost today. 

Eventually, A familiar dark head came into view. Mikasa was standing behind Armin and Eren, the two boys seemed to be talking. Your boots tapped on the ground as you hurried towards them, catching Armin’s reassurance that he was okay.

“Guys, we need to go.”

The three looked back at you, relieved to see that you were still alive as the four worked together to finish preparations.

Along with everyone else, you stood at attention, listening to the briefing. Although, you hardly cared. You’d man your post, stay alive, and live to see another sunrise. 

“All squadrons are responsible for supply running, message relay, and enemy combat under the command of the Garrison Regiment! The intercept squadron will be taking the vanguard, cadets will be taking the middle guard and lead by the support squad. Rearguard will go to the elites!”

A man yelled from the front of the formation. Everyone was quiet, soaking in the briefing. Everyone was stony-faced and fearful, some even looked like they were about to faint.

Your hands shook behind your back, eyes ahead as you tried not to think about the events that would transpire. A gasp ran through the crowd. The advance team had been totally wiped out. 

“That's right, the outer gate is history. The titans are in.”

Sir, that wasn't a very smart thing to say to a bunch of terrified teenagers. Your eyes scanned the pale faces, almost feeling pity for them.

“This means, the Armored Titan is likely to reappear.”

The Armored Titan. Your jaw set at the idea of the titan, you had grown to loathe him as much as Eren loathed the colossal. The memory of the thing breaking through the wall like it was a bunch of blocks was both a marvel and a terror. 

Your attention snapped back as everyone was silenced.

“Right! Those in the vanguard, be ready! The area is well-nigh saturated. Your mission is a very simple one. Defend the wall until the evacuation is done.”

You hardly cared about his reminder for desertion, every voice mingling in a shout of acknowledgment as everyone saluted and ran to prepare.

“Y/n!”

A familiar voice called, your head turning to meet Marco’s freckled face. Your heart sinking slightly, knowing that today was his last day on this earth. Your head turned as the boy ran up to you, he seemed calm and ready. It made you proud to see him so ready to fight. 

“You're working with us!”

The boy smiled, though your gut turned at the idea. Marco nodded in the direction of the squad. 

“Right, Let's go then.”

\------------------

The squad got sent out, everyone flying around fighting for their lives. The titans were overwhelming, coming at the group from all sides as the squads slowly got wiped out. You froze up at first, watching a poor girl get ripped to shred. Somewhere in the mess, you managed to get separated from the team. Leaving you to run from roof to roof, conserving the gas for when you knew you would need it. Your blood boiling as you watched everyone get devoured before your eyes, their lives cut short because you couldn't react. You couldn't help but blame yourself for this, for the sin of not being brave enough to save them. 

You had two sets of blades left, two sets of flexible metal keeping you alive.

Your hand hit a cold rock as you jumped down onto a roof. Your boot slipping on something and causing you to slip. Your heart and stomach lept as you fell to the shingles.

“What the-”

You raised a hand, looking with horror at the red that stained your hand. Dear God, you’d slipped in someone's blood.

You scrambled to your feet, your ankle had twisted in the fall and the sudden weight caused it to give a sharp reminder. This was hell, all of this was too morbid to be real. You just wanted to go home, to wake up in your door room while Ann cussed out the alarm. You wanted to trudge to the cafe at six in the morning just to get a cup of coffee so you could endure morning classes.

But no, you were here, fighting for your life is a dystopian society. You were watching innocent people die at the hands of giant cannibalistic freaks of nature. 

A scream ripped through the air, the source cursing their existence and causing you to look around. 

_ That sounded like Armin. _

Your eyes landing on a group of people not too far away. A relieved sigh exiting your lips as you used a bit of gas to jump over. 

You gasped, landing on the roof with a thud as you rolled slightly. The action causing Crista to gasp and run to help you to your feet. Her hands were shaking as she looked at you, likely from the same trauma you had endured.

“Oh thank god you're alive! It's Armin he…”

She couldn't finish her sentence as everything fell silent once again. You fought the sting in your ankle and limped for Armin and Connie. Your hand grabbing the shaven boy, squeezing his shoulder as a signal to hush. You already knew what happened without having to look or ask. 

“Let it go, Connie. He’s it, the rest of ‘em are dead.”

The words hit you like a truckload of bricks. When this scene happened in the anime, you knew it wasn't the end. You knew Eren was going to come back. But right now, standing here listening, you felt sick with grief. You had spent years with that boy, you and Mikasa had gotten him out of trouble so often it was second nature to constantly watch him back. The years of sitting by the river and listening to their dreams of the world outside the walls. 

\-------------------

_ "Come on, Armin. Let's get you cleaned."  _

_ You smiled, dabbing a cloth of your skirt into the water of the river. Armin sniffed slightly, his lip busted from the fight.  _

_ "You don't have to, you'll get your shirt all bloody."  _

_ The boy complained as you gently dabbed away the blood.  _

_ "I don't have to, but I'm going to."  _

_ You hummed, retracting your hand when he flinched.  _

_ "Okay, so you got into another fight?" _

_ You're head turned to Eren who was fighting Mikasa's care. They said it was over something about them talking about wanting to go outside the walls.  _

_ "Y/n."  _

_ "Hm?" _

_ "You never told us your dreams. You listen to ours but never share you're."  _

_ Armin's question made you pause. What were your dreams? It had been years since you'd seen the mountains of your hometown or listened to the music that still played in your head. It had been years since you'd gotten a decent meal since you'd tasted your mother's drool-worthy lasagna. _

_ So what did you dream of? _

_ "You don't need to worry about my dreams Armin, the only dreams to reach for are your own."  _

_ The answer didn't seem to satisfy him, seeing as he frowned. He clearly wanted to know, but you knew that explaining your dreams would only confuse him. You resumed cleaning his lip, keeping your touch soft as you did so. Your nurse's eye wanting to make sure everything was okay.  _

_ "You three are more trouble than you're worth, you know that."  _

_ "Yeah, but you still love us."  _

_ Armin smiled, Mikasa and Eren finally joining you two as Eren sat next to you, Mikasa sitting next to him and watching as you squeezed the water out of your skirt. You didn't need to check the boy over, knowing Mikasa had already taken care of Eren.  _

_ "You're right. And I couldn't ask for a better family."  _

_ You smiled, reaching over to ruffle Eren's hair. The boy retaliated, not wanting to be seen gaining affection from anyone. He shoved your hand away, but even you could see the smile and hear the soft laugh.  _

_ You put your arms around the three kids, all of them leaning in as you hugged them. The four beings looking at the sunset over the wall, a comfortable silence for a moment. _

_ "We'll make it out of this hell hole, and on that day, I'll tell you my dream. I promise."  _

_ You spoke, looking between the three. _

_ "I Promise."  _

_ You whispered again, sitting with the three as they all started to come out of their post-fight rest and talk about what they were going to do when they made it outside of the walls. They were so curious about the ocean, and you were tempted to tell them about it.  _

_ But now wasn't the time.  _

\--------------------

You promised to tell them, you promised to tell them that your dream was for the three to live a life without burden, You wanted them to grow old and have families. You wanted them to have the life you never did, a life without worrying if what you were doing would anger your mother. 

And now, Eren was presumed dead. 

You snapped out of your sorrowful memory, listening back in on the argument. 

“Alright, that does it, bitch I'm going to shut your mouth up permanently!”

Connie growled, your arm hooking into his to hold him back as you had your back turned to the smart-mouthed Ymir. as much as you wanted to sock her in the jaw for what she said in reference to Armin, you had to keep a cool head. 

“Connie! Now’s not the time for this bullshit.”

You growled, warning him that you would throw him down if he tried anything. Now wasn't the time for him to get hot-headed. He knew the cadets had their differences, but right now they were all fighting the same battles.

“Stop it, all of you!”

Crista scolded, raising her arms to stop the brewing argument. Your head-turning so your ear faced her, making it easy to decipher the words over your rapid heartbeat. 

“Look, we're all at the end of our tether, okay. We're watching our friends get killed like animals. It's normal to be a bit upset.”

Okay, you loved the girl. You really did. But it took a lot for you not to call her out. you were all more than a bit upset, you didn't even want to think about the things you had seen over the past few hours. Blood, death, bodies, and the screams and pleas of the dying. Eren may still be alive, but they didn't know that. Everyone had lost someone special today, and even more, death was to come. Even you had lost people you didn't expect to lose today. You had gotten to know the cadets whose stories had never been told in the manga or the anime. You made friends with people you didn't know existed, and most of them were now dead. Mina and Thomas were dead, and that hurt you to an extent. You never had a good connection with the two, but they were still humans and you still had your moments with them. They had a life to live and a world to see, they were bright and eager to learn, and now they never had the chance to achieve their goals.

“Yeah well, she best get a hold of that mouth.”

Connie grumbled, relaxing enough that you released him.

“Please, next time I won't hesitate to punch that smug look right off her face.”

You grumbled, turning to the still distraught Armin. You didn't know how to comfort him, you couldn't spoil the plot by telling him Eren was okay. So you just decided to stay put, faking your grief until you knew you would need it. You let the two talk, you turned to speak with whoever looked like the leader, hoping to join up with the group. 

It seemed they were being told to advance, and since you were currently squadless it wasn't the smartest idea to be alone. You listened as Armin took off once again, your head-turning towards Connie as a cadet shouted at him to come along.

“He'll be fine Connie, he's a big boy.”

You called, waiting for him. 

“Yeah, I know. Just don't want him to be reckless.”

The boy shook his head, picking up a steady walking pace next to you, watching as you took a few painted steps.

“What about you, are you okay? Your limping and covered in blood. Plus, your squad isn't anywhere around here.”

“I just took a wrong step and slipped, I'm fine. I got separated in a frenzy, I got lucky and dove through a window when an abnormal entered the field.”

You explained, trying not to detail it too much. It was still too fresh to talk about. Even briefly thinking about it made you want to cringy and shut down again. You couldn't let anymore people die on your watch, known or unknown. 

“I see, well. We're glad you're okay. Now let's go before we get even more shit for falling behind.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Me finally posting? Wooow! School and writer's block are not a great combo, lemme tell yeah.  
> But Trost has fallen! Things are moving along!  
> The next chapter is going to hurt me, but it's fine.  
> I hope everyone is doing okay, and please, don't hesitate to drop suggestions and opinions of and for the book in the comments! I love hearing from you all, and want to help everyone get the most out of the book! 
> 
> Anyway, drink some water, don't freeze, and I'll see yall I'm the next chapter! Muahxo


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